Hunting Safety

Some up and coming New York fashion designer thinks the next big trend in accessories will be old fashion mink fur stoles. The hunters are out in force trying to cash in. The problem is they don’t know a mink from a chipmunk. Seriously, how many chipmunk furs would you need to make a fur stole? Like a gazillion.  Did I mention that these cash crazed humans are hunting with shotguns and bird shot. I think you get the picture, there won’t be anything left after taking a direct hit. What would you do without the weekly adventures of your favorite chipmunk? Read about the adventures of your pet rock?

We chipmunks are in good shape, we can hide in our “underground bunkers” during the bombardment. My friend Bushy the squirrel is having a tougher time. He flattens himself against the tree trunk and tries to blend in. However, we can’t spend all day in our burrows. We still need to harvest the fall seed crops. Mom suggested we get orange vests. Hunters are indoctrinated with the rule that you don’t shoot at anything with an orange vest or hat. Since the Woodpile itself is being used for target practice, we opted to get it a vest it as well. All the shotgun shells littering the area attests to the need for these extreme safety precautions.

Here I am installing an orange on the Woodpile

These shotgun shells are almost as big as me. Yikes!

One of the Woodpile’s residents checks to see if it is safe to come out.

I tried on a hunter’s ball cap but it was way to big. It was completely impractical.

I had to come up with a different solution.

Allow me to present the custom made chipmunk orange safety vest!

The Mayor dropped by and wanted know how it worked.

“Are you sure this is safe Chippy?”

“Here goes nothing”

“Wow, it fits and it is functional!"

UPDATE

Fifteen minutes after this blog entry was posted, it went viral. The safety vest company sold out of its inventory of 5,000 chipmunk vests in minutes. I just got a call from the Fashionable Critter magazine looking for an interview about the latest fashion craze - orange safety vests!

Decorating for Thanksgiving

Yikes, Thanksgiving is almost here. I mean it is only four days away. We haven’t decorated the Woodpile yet. I got my bull horn out and made an announcement and asked for volunteers. The volunteers literary came out of the woodwork.

Bushy was the first to volunteer.

My cousin Vinnie showed up to help out

I even had a baby rat volunteer! (They are adorable at this age.)

First task was to get some corn stalks. These things are huge. I was dwarfed by them in this photo. It took all the volunteers to move them.

Chippy Jr. thought it was fun to play hide and seek with his friends in the cornstalks.

This young fellow is just about to try to find his friends hiding.

Here are the cornstalks decorating the Woodpile.

We need something more, maybe something a bit more colorful. Let me think about this a moment.

I know what we need a pumpkin! Phew, I never realized how heavy they are. I think this will make a perfect snack tray. I will put some sunflowers seeds on it now so I don’t have to do it on Thanksgiving day.

May be it wasn’t such a good idea to put the snacks out so early.

The kids found them in less than thirty seconds!

I can't bring myself to reprimand Junior for his bad manners.

I don't like to admit it but I acted the same way at that age. He's just a chip off the old block.

How did our parents ever put up with us as kids?

Champion Acorn Gatherer

I was cleaning out the burrow attic and came across a painting of my great-great-grandfather, Hercule Chippy. He was a world champion acorn gatherer. At least according to family history written on the back of the painting. I dropped into the library to research “acorn gathering.” Turns out we chipmunks had the equivalent of what you humans call a “colonial era.” Our chipmunks ancestors had to live off the land, dig their own burrows by paw, and brew their own beer. They were real pioneers. One of the favorite events at their harvest festivals was the acorn gathering contest. There were two awards handed out (1) most amount acorns gathered in a 12 hour day (2) most amount acorns stuffed into cheek pouches. The librarian suggested I check the Guiness Book of Chipmunk Records. Boy was I surprised to learn my great-great-grandfather still holds both records. No one has come close to beating his records. Wow, I have a famous ‘munk in the family! I am named after him.

I did some more rummaging around and found his old acorn collecting basket as well.

Chippy Jr. eyes all of those acorns. It looks like he has already stuffed his cheeks with a few.

He sizes up whether he can get anymore in his cheeks.

Then he comes up with the brilliant idea of grabbing one in his paws.

Now that is thinking like a human rather than a chipmunk.

To honor Hercule I decided to recreate the pose in the painting. It proved harder than it looked.

 Is everything ready?

 

I think we need more acorns in the photo!

 

That's better!

Trying to reproduce those handsome cheeks is not as easy as it looks.

How is this pose?

Or maybe this one? I think this is going to be a long photo session ... sigh

Harvestfest – Firewood Maze

The Woodpile held its annual Harvest Festival. It had the usual attractions: bobbing for acorns and sunflower seeds, dunk a teacher, and shooting contests. We converted the dip bowl into a dunk tank. Mrs. Spot our long time teacher volunteers each year. So far no one has managed to dunk her in the water. As each contestant steps forward to throw the balls, she givens them that “don’t you even think about” teacher’s stare. They are so rattled they miss. The bird shooting contest is popular. The birds fly around and try to hit the heads of unsuspecting humans! With each direct hit and splatter, the crowd cheers loudly. I suppose you have to be a critter to enjoy this sport and see the humor in it!

The “main event” of the festival is the diabolical Firewood Maze. It was designed by Vinnie the P. Its simplicity is deceiving. I landed the “sports commentator” job for the event. Here is the “play-by-play.”

 

Here is the Firewood Maze.

Fleet-paw (last year's winner) entering the maze

Bushy's wife watches intently from the bleachers. She has a big bet on the outcome.

  She has bet the weekly grocery money on World Maze Champion Grayback

Oh no, he just hit a dead end!

Grayback climbs up for a better view (rules allow for this one time)

Fleet-Paw is faced with a big decision which way to go?

Fleet-Paw safely bypasses the dead end and found the correct passage.

The third contestant enters the maze and hits a dead end but doesn’t know it.

He turns back

He is having a bad day.... he hit dead end #2 and is now praying to get out alive!

I don't believe it, he has gone backwards in the maze. Now he jumps up for a better view.

That expression is "I think I have been here before."

The mysterious 3rd contestant has found dead end #3!

He clearly is completely lost. Yet, the crowd is cheering wildly for this bumbling fool in the maze. Grayback and Fleet-Paw have stopped to watch this contestant's antics.

Fleet-Paw (top of the photo) all of a sudden realizes the crazy 3rd contestant is only inches from the exit point!

Unbelievable! This totally unknown contestant has executed the perfect game plan and wins! He beat the two best maze runners in the world... hold on folks, I'm being handed more information on contestant #3 ... the young lady who just beat the guys is named Lily, daughter of our beloved Mrs. Spot.

Lily enjoys her reward.

Chippy tries out for cross-country team

There was a poster at the local seed mart looking for four pawed athletes to try out for the “All Critter Cross Country Team.” Critters with four paws of all sizes and species were welcome to try out. Their time would be adjusted according to stride length, size and weight. The tryout only had a few rules (1) no eating other athletes, (2) no performance enhancing gmo seed diets, and (3) sneakers were required. I thought the last rule seemed a bit odd, so, I called and asked. Apparently this is some sort of Board of Health requirement. (I am afraid like you human beings, we have annoying and completely useless bureaucrats too!)

Sneakers are a $230 billion dollar industry but not a single company makes extra, extra, extra tiny sizes. The sneaker salesman made a heck of an effort to earn a commission off me. It provided me with an entertaining afternoon.

Exactly how do you put this on?

Maybe I am wrong, but, I thought this was suppose to cover my paw?

The salesman talked me into trying a different model. I asked him “How do you make it move?” According to the him, I am supposed to make it hop along. I asked the salesman to demonstrate the technique. All the customers in the store couldn’t stop laughing as the poor salesman tried and tried to make it move.

The athletic committee discovered a loop hole in regulations. The rules state that all athletes must have sneakers on at the start of the race. So, they decided to use the sneakers as starting blocks. “Ready, set, go!”

Here is a video of our very funny salesman trying to move the sneaker.