New Years 2019

I spent months trying to dream up something to top the spectacular party I threw for New Years Eve last year. I finally decided I needed to have a ball drop like they have at Times Square. I called up the company that made the Times Square ball and had some serious sticker shock. They claimed that miniaturizing all the electronics down to a 4 inch ball was very expensive. So much for that idea.

One evening my wife was watching “Dancing with the Chipmunks” and telling me about her favorite famous chipmunk (some royal princess) on the show. She predicted the princess would win the mirror ball trophy. It dawned one me I could make my own “mirror ball.”  I found an old softball that the neighbor’s dogs have given up playing with and bought a bottle of glitter. How hard could it be? The kids make artwork out of this stuff all the time.

I not sure a florescent green ball was the best choice.

This is taking longer than I expected. So, I decided to apply glitter with both paws and my nose simultaneously. (I hope this stuff washes off otherwise I will be forever known as “glitter nose”)

 

I just finished applying the first bottle. I think I am going to need a couple of more bottles of glitter. I hope I finish this in time.

What do you think? Not bad if I say so myself. I am all ready for the ball drop.

Leaving a Gift for Santa

I took the family for a winter hike along the beach. It is great this time of year, you pretty much have the beach to yourself. While we were strolling, my daughter Alice asked the darnest question – “Does Santa ever get bored of receiving cookies and milk at every house?” I didn’t have an answer, so, I asked her what she thought. Alice replied “If I was Santa and someone left me something other than cookies and milk, I would leave them a stocking full of chocolate covered sunflower seeds.” I liked where she was heading with this. The family started brainstorming ideas for what to leave Santa. While we were chatting away and not paying attention to where we were walking, we all ended up in a big heap on the sand. Looking around, we discovered we had tripped over a pipe washed up on shore. Everyone shouted at once, lets give Santa a pipe to smoke!

It took everyone working together to lug it back to the burrow. Not surprisingly, it was full of sand. The kids were so excited they jumped right into cleaning it up. (I wish they did the same for their chores.) They even vacuumed up all the sand off the floor into their cheeks and dumped it outside.

Christmas eve has finally arrived. I pushed the pipe out the front door onto the freshly fallen snow. I positioned the pipe where Santa couldn’t miss it.

I better try this first and make sure it smokes okay.

What seems to be the problem? Oh, so that is what happened to Junior’s toothbrush. It is stuck inside. Let me pull it out. Excellent, now it’s working.

Are those sleigh bells I hear? And a jolly “ho-ho-ho?” Quick, everyone off to bed. Santa is coming.

Wrapping Presents

I have learned there are certain universal experiences across many species and holiday traditions. If you’re a parent, the following photo essay will bring joy and tears to your eyes at the same time. This is one of those shared parental experiences or nightmares (depending upon your perspective). I wish I could honestly say chipmunk kids excelled better than their human counterparts at gift wrapping  … but they test one’s patience, fail to listen to instructions, and generally make you pull out all your fur.

We tried do something a bit different this year at the Woodpile. We had a community kid’s present wrapping party. We hired one of the teachers to supervise. I can report it proved to be quite the “party”. The kids thought this was great fun. The gift wrapping, hmmm, that part left a lot to be desired. Looking on the bright side, Chippy Jr. and his sister, Alice only went through three rolls of paper this year (last year it was 5 rolls).

To all my fellow parents: Find your favorite reclining chair, pour yourself a large eggnog, add something special to it, and we’ll commiserate together on the joys and frustrations of teaching the kids how to wrap presents.

“Mommy help. I have taped my nose to the present."

“Maybe I can get unstuck if I push it.” 

One done, one to go.

“I don’t want to admit I forget what to do next.”

 

(The observant reader will notice the gift box is empty … oops.)

“Why is everyone looking at me funny?”

“All done mom!”

“What do you mean I forget to put the present inside the box?”

Tale of a Christmas Tree

Today was my lucky day. I couldn’t believe my good fortune. I was walking around the Woodpile neighborhood and stumbled upon a beautiful Christmas tree beside the path. There was a sign hanging on it saying “Free to a good burrow.” Well, I thought I've been good this year (well almost, if you forget about that little incident about robbing the seed vault). I do have a respectable burrow and loving family, I think that counts.

This tree measured a good six inches tall. I am going to be the envy of the entire Woodpile with the biggest Christmas tree. I dragged it home and boy was it heavy. Once I reached my burrow, I grabbed the bottom of the trunk and gave it mighty yank as I backed into my burrow. The tree came flying after me for a split second and then nothing happened. It was stuck. Now, I know why it was free. It is too big to fit through the door. Okay, I will just push it back out. It wouldn’t budge a millimeter, it was stuck.

Bushy the Squirrel, “Hey, Chippy are you home?” Chippy, “I’m stuck inside!”

Bushy, “I better pray for a Christmas miracle. We stored all of the chocolate for the Christmas party in Chippy’s burrow. It is not Christmas without hot chocolate.” In response, I heard a loud booming voice say, “Get some help.” That’s strange, God sounds just like Chippy.

Bushy went looking for help and ran into a couple of sparrows. Sparrows, “How are we supposed to move a tree three times bigger than we are?” So, they decided the best plan was to decorate it with sunflower seeds in place.

Bushy realized he needed to find a really big bird. He asked a crow for help. The crow pushed and pushed to try and get the tree through the door.

The crow called his buddy over and said, “I am afraid I made this worse by pushing it deeper into the burrow. Not even one of those human tow trucks is going to get it unstuck.” His buddy replied, “not to worry, I have Vinnie the P. on speed dial.” After explaining the dilemma over the phone, Vinnie recommended that Chippy use his claws to dig the burrow entrance and tunnel wider.

Chippy, “This is hard to admit, but, Vinnie’s idea was brilliant. As you can see I got the tree into the family room.”

“Now where did I put that box of Christmas lights?”

“There they are under the leaves.”

The kids just loved the new tree. Here is Chippy Jr. peeking out from behind the tree during a game of hide and seek with his sisters.

Tree Removal

Last winter at the Woodpile, we all had a number sleepless nights during snow storms as we listened to the cracking and falling of large limbs from an old pine tree that towers over our homes. Some of those branches came close to caving in a few burrows as they crashed to the ground. The Woodpile Council decided it was time to remove it before any critters got hurt. We consulted a professional forester, Woody the Woodpecker. He took one look and said it was too big a job for even the mightiest Woodpeckers. Our best option was to hire some humans with a crane and chain saws. He offered to supervise and make the arrangements.

We didn’t think much more about it until one morning at 7:15 am the Woodpile was struck by an earthquake and loud noises. We rushed to our burrow entrances to find a monster yellow crane rolling into the Woodpile. It was followed by the largest wood chipper we had ever seen. I grabbed my camera and took some photos.

The crew sets up the giant crane

It was taller than the largest tree

A worker gets a lift to the top of the tree

So he could attach the red straps to it, and then he cut the top off.

The crane lifted the top away like it was a stick of fire wood.

The ground crew cut the limbs off and grabbed it with this mechanical arm

 Then they ground them up in the chipper.

 They cut the tree up into different sections until all that was left was the bottom of the trunk

They created the largest woodpile anyone had ever seen.

Sanctuary City

Chippy is away on official Woodpile business (I will explain shortly). Since we have both been involved in the Woodpile’s top secret hush-hush humanitarian (or more correctly critteritarian)  project, the job of bringing everyone up to speed has fallen to me.

I should properly introduce myself to all of you. I am Chippy’s cousin. I am not big on fancy titles or formal names … folks just call me Vinnie the P. The “P” stands for philosopher. At some point along my interesting life and career, I picked up a couple of Ph.D.s one in physics and the other in philosophy. I currently teach at the Four Paws University. Yes, I teach some of those required science and liberal arts courses which are the bane of every freshman, whether they have two legs or four. I also teach the most popular class in the 465 year history of the university. No, I not stroking my own ego. In fact this class is a lot of work. Try grading 221 mid-terms. You don’t care about that, you want to know what the class is about. It is called “Introduction to Training Humans.” Yes, you read that correctly. Next time you bring out a handful of peanuts to that “cute cuddly” chipmunk or “poor starving” squirrel, you have met one of my students. Give yourself a pat on the back, you’re a well trained and obedient human. Here at the Woodpile we have the humans trained to stack the wood, bring us fresh water daily, serve us sunflower seeds on command, and rake up the sunflowers shells.

I am getting side tracked. You really want know about the hush-hush critteritarian project. As Chippy told you last week, we serve a vegetarian Thanksgiving meal. We find the idea of cooking our dear friends the turkeys and serving them for dinner a terrible idea. We established the Woodpile as a “Sanctuary City” for those turkeys fleeing the butcher knife. The President only pardons one turkey a year. Someone had to save the rest of them. We are sheltering hundreds of turkeys at the Woodpile. We did hit one small snag, Chippy underestimated how much food was needed to feed that many turkeys. He is busy “requisitioning” additional supplies.

Don’t feel guilty about the “turkey” you had at Thanksgiving dinner. It was likely one our vegetarian turkey substitutes made from soy and wheat.

 

If you ran into holiday traffic, it might have been caused by turkeys en route to the Woodpile.

 

This turkey has reached the safety of the Woodpile's border wall.

 

Our border patrol unit to keep hunters out

 

"Thank you Chippy and Vinnie the P."

 

 

 

Thanksgiving Celebration for a Bountiful Harvest

I have gotten a number of inquiries from my fans as to whether we celebrate Thanksgiving at the Woodpile or not. For many of our bird brethren across the country, it is a national day of mourning for their fellow turkeys. Rather than dwell on the negative, we have taken positive action here at the Woodpile. … Hold on, my cousin Vinnie the P. is telling me it is “top secret” and I can’t talk about it til after Thanksgiving. Tune in next week for more details.

Yes, we have a celebration to be thankful for the bountiful harvest Nature has provided [and certain nice humans have supplied us – Thanks Mom]. At last count, I believe the Woodpile has stored or consumed about 300 pounds of sunflower seeds, 250 pounds of cracked corn, and hundreds of acorns. We’ll be munching on those all winter. So, for Thanksgiving we like to serve a special vegetarian meal. Everyone’s favorites are squash seeds and corn on the cob! The best part, there is no cooking or cleanup. I bet you’re jealous right about now.

The Woodpile wishes you and your family a joyous Thanksgiving celebration. Don’t forget to leave a plate of goodies for your neighborhood furry critters and feathered friends.

As you’ve already heard about in a previous blog post, Mrs. Spot LOOOOOVES corn on the cob.

Mrs. Spot, “Nothing more satisfying then full cheeks.”

“Chippy, that is not funny, please turn off the spot light.”

“Oh boy, I found another uneaten corn on the cob.”

“Here comes my relatives, time to hide the corn.”

“I find eating it row by row is the most efficient method.”

“Good to the last kernel”

“All this food has given me a mighty thirst.”

Bushy has excellent table manners

Unfortunately his younger brother is a total party animal (what a disgrace)

 The squash is really popular this year. I thought I would sneak 

from under the table slats to avoid the competition.

Which half do a I choose?

This is really good

You know, Bushy’s brother has the right idea – 

who cares about table manners, time to stuff my face!