A Real Vacation (I Hope)

Lucky for me, I secretly put on a safety harness before going out on the rope bridge. I was beginning to get suspicious something was amiss with this whole eco-adventure. It seems like some writer was subtly toying with me. I took appropriate precautions. After the second episode of eco-adventure, I knew I was dealing with a diabolic master mind. I am having the usual suspects rounded up: 

Dr. Moriarty, Khan, the Daleks, Lady Macbeth, and the Phantom Chipmunk.

There were rumors that the writing staff for my blog were trying to knock me off and collect a rumored million sunflower seed insurance policy. It turns out someone hacked into our the writing staff computer and rewrote the ending of that episode. (Bad idea using “Chippy” as the password.) That was a close call. Personally, I prefer the original ending in which a beautiful lady’munk wandered out on the rope bridge and I had to rescue her from eminent danger. I nearly fall off in the attempt hanging on by one paw but manage to pull myself up and complete the rescue.

My writing staff felt really bad about this so they decided to send me to Casino Royale for the end of my vacation. While at the café, I met a chipmunk with a funny accent. He was sipping a sunflower martini and had titanium coated claws. He had been invited to a high stakes poker game and needed a secret partner. Apparently he didn’t trust the other players. This sounded like an exciting opportunity till I realized I had no idea how to play poker. This fellow offered to give me a crash course in the game. Even better, I would using his money to bet with.

First order of business was to learn how to deal the cards. These card sharks can tell a newbie from the way he handles the cards.

Second thing you have to keep a sharp eye out for cheating.

My teacher (on the left side of the photo) demonstrates a proper “poker face” which I try to imitate.

He tells me my tail postures gives away the fact I trying to bluff.

Then he teaches me how to give false impressions like using this “nervous look.”

There a proper technique for peeking at your cards.

You need to use your nose.

I going all in with this hand.

When you win the hand, you have to be aggressive and collect your winnings from any reluctant players.

I finally got around to asking my new acquaintance what his name was. He replied, “Bond, James Bond.” Okay, this must be my writing staff’s idea of a hilarious joke. This guy must be an actor they hired. Well, I going to expose him. I asked to see his credentials. I expected to see his membership card for the actors guild. But instead it read “Her Majesty’s Secret Service MI-6, Agent 007.” Oh, a real spy! Can you keep a secret? They hired those human actors as a “cover” to protect the fact the real 007 is a chipmunk!

Eco-Travel Adventure Part II

I had the strangest dream. I was hiding in the bottom of my zip line basket when it came to a crashing halt. I peeked over the top of the basket and nearly collided with this young lady from Kansas. Her name was Judy Garland and she was an actress. I didn’t recall the zip line operator being so pretty. I am beginning to like this Doomsday Island. Dorothy, that was the character’s name she was portraying looked at me funny when I asked about a cold beer. She said there was no alcoholic beverages in Oz. I must  have gotten a concussion during the crash. I played along and asked how I got to Oz? You passed through an inter-dimensional rift in the space-time continuum. This is the year 1939. This is all very  interesting, but, I have to get back to the year 2020. My loyal fans are expecting me to post my weekly blog. Miss Dorothy suggested that I accompany her along the yellow brick road. After many adventures, we ended up at the Emerald City. While in the city Dorothy was given a pair of beautiful ruby slippers to get home with. The film director was a bit baffled with what to do with my four paws. The props department finally came to the rescue with some slippers made from strawberry twizzlers. (The next fashion trend – edible slippers?) I clicked my heels together and said “there is no place like home” and poof … Next thing I know I am being dumped out of my hammock promptly at 5am. I was never so excited in my life to get back to Doomsday Island.

I was starving and asked about breakfast. They said they were serving sunflower seeds at the next adventure course.

 

Wait a second! I have to walk out there to get breakfast? That looks really unsafe.

Maybe I can hold on with my back paws

Inching my way to within reach of the first seed, almost there …

Holding on for dear life with all four paws

This isn’t as dangerous as it looks. I am a natural at this.

I can go all the way out to the very end …ahhhhh... I love all my fans...

BREAKING NEWS: Chippy falls from the rope bridge into the crack of doom.  No one could possibly survive this fall. This has eerie parallels to when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle killed off his character Sherlock Holmes at the Reichenbach Falls. There are rumors on social media that the "Adventures of Chippy & Friends" writing staff are behind this unexpected plot twist.

TO BE CONTINUED (Or maybe not)

Eco-Travel Adventure Part I

I was exhausted after the marathon effort to build Chippy Stadium and the cleanup after the Wood Bowl game. It took me two days to cleanup 50 pounds of sunflower seed shells. I need a vacation! I dropped by my travel agent Merry and he hooked me up with an eco-adventure trip. He says it is full of outdoor challenges which will put fear into the hardiest critter. (I gave him my best scared to death impression …  but, I know it was just part of the sales pitch.)

I hopped a plane to “Doomsday Island” in the Caribbean. This travel agency over does it a bit with the scary terminology. We approached the Island and I was expecting to see luxury resorts on the beach but I saw no sign of modern civilization what-so-ever. The plane started to descend and it looked like we were going to crash land until at the last second a narrow airstrip in the middle of the jungle appeared. The landing was a bit bumpy. Okay, I think the “wild jungle” airport adds to the ambience of the trip. I grabbed my four suitcases and asked about getting a cab to the hotel. The staff laughed and pointed to a trail through the jungle. My suitcases were covered in mud by the time I reached our accommodations. I was ready for a hot bath and some air conditioning. I asked for my burrow keys and was told I had hammock #10. Why do these resorts have to come up with touristy names for everything. Oh, I take that back, it is an open-air hammock. There is no running water or air conditioning. Pretty primitive. They do offer free bug spray.

Wake up call was 5 am in the morning. More correctly it was more of a dump you out of your hammock than a “call.” A quick breakfast of wildlife editable seeds and off to the first adventure. It is a zip line through the jungle.

You have to climb up the tree and then zip line down in the basket.

They did a safety check run – It didn’t look very safe to me!

I  got selected as the first one to try it. Even with a telephoto lens, you can barely make me out climbing this huge tree.

I watched as my life flashed by me!

The zip line operator (who was busy checking his facebook status on his phone), looked up and was horrified to discover he had lost Chippy. “This is the second one this month.”

Where did Chippy go? “I just lost the world famous blogger, I going to get fired for sure this time.”

“Anyone in here?”

The speed of the zip line had flattened me to the bottom of the basket. I must have died because, the next thing I know some chipmunk angel is hovering above me. Wait a second, that is the dumb kid they hired to run this diabolical contraption. I started rambling on, “Am I still alive? Did I make it? Are the safety lines secure? You wouldn’t have a cold beer would you?”

Wood Bowl 2020

The excitement has been building all week in anticipation of the Wood Bowl. The media has been camped out and interviewing the players and coaches. The fans have been arriving by Canada Goose airlines from across the country. Scalpers are selling tickets for as much as $1500. Local Woodpile businesses can’t keep up with the demand for salted sunflower seeds, vegetarian hot dogs, and hot apple cider.

The weather has been amazingly cooperative. Temps have remained above freezing and the ground snow free. We even have a bit of green grass. We were fully prepared for the worst. We stock piled snow shovels and tail warmers.

The Wood Bowl is a fast paced game. Don’t blink or you might miss an important play. For my human fans, you will probably recognize the equipment as coming from a table tennis set. The rules are quite different. The paddles are set up as goals. A team scores by hitting the opponents paddle with the yellow ball. Each team has 10 players but only one player for each team is on the field at a time. They can switch out players as often as they like but play doesn’t stop for the swaps. Like in baseball, the players rotate through all of the players in order. (Teams spent hours trying to figure out the best match ups with the other teams players). A player can throw the ball over the net and it has to bounce off the ground before hitting the goal paddle to be counted as a score. The other option is the player can nose dribble the ball under the net and then toss it at the goal paddle for a score. If they can get it past the opposing player, it is an easy score. However, if the opposing player steals the ball, it is an easy score for them (i.e. there is no one to defend the home court.) Orange line is out of bounds. No tampering with the ball, no biting, kicking, or brawling. Other than that everything else is fair play.

Who are the teams playing? Believe it or not our own “Woodpile Ramblers” made it to the championship game. They will playing the undefeated “Canadian Lumberjacks.”

Here is the Chippy Stadium already for the big game. Hold on, some prankster has stuck one of the balls to the goal paddle with gum!

The referee inspects the field before the game [removed the ball]

The game is being called by 35 year veteran sports announcer, Roscoe from the “stump.”

The Lumberjacks get off to an early lead. One of the Ramblers was a split second too slow to stop the ball. That's strange, the Rambler player is trying lick something sticky off his paws.

Our very reserved retired school teacher, Mrs. Spot, yells at the top of her voice, “Mr. Referee get the fur out of your eyes! That ball has been tampered with!”

The referee called for a new ball after discovering the game ball had been greased! Mrs. Spot grabs a replacement and checks its herself.

The Ramblers successfully block the next bouncing ball.

The lumberjack team tries to run the ball under the net.

He gets ready to toss the ball at the our goal paddle … this doesn’t look good …

The shocked expression of the lumberjack player after our team stole the ball and scored.

A Woodpile fan tossed Guinness sunflower seeds on the field and the Lumberjack’s player is momentarily distracted by the smell of the tasty treats, and we score! (Like I said there are not a lot of rules.)

Final score. We won!

THE DAY AFTER – The clean up begins … apparently according to the fine print of my contract, in exchange for having the stadium named after me, I am responsible for keeping it looking good. This whole business of marketing one’s “brand name” is a lot of work.