A Real Vacation (I Hope)

Lucky for me, I secretly put on a safety harness before going out on the rope bridge. I was beginning to get suspicious something was amiss with this whole eco-adventure. It seems like some writer was subtly toying with me. I took appropriate precautions. After the second episode of eco-adventure, I knew I was dealing with a diabolic master mind. I am having the usual suspects rounded up: 

Dr. Moriarty, Khan, the Daleks, Lady Macbeth, and the Phantom Chipmunk.

There were rumors that the writing staff for my blog were trying to knock me off and collect a rumored million sunflower seed insurance policy. It turns out someone hacked into our the writing staff computer and rewrote the ending of that episode. (Bad idea using “Chippy” as the password.) That was a close call. Personally, I prefer the original ending in which a beautiful lady’munk wandered out on the rope bridge and I had to rescue her from eminent danger. I nearly fall off in the attempt hanging on by one paw but manage to pull myself up and complete the rescue.

My writing staff felt really bad about this so they decided to send me to Casino Royale for the end of my vacation. While at the café, I met a chipmunk with a funny accent. He was sipping a sunflower martini and had titanium coated claws. He had been invited to a high stakes poker game and needed a secret partner. Apparently he didn’t trust the other players. This sounded like an exciting opportunity till I realized I had no idea how to play poker. This fellow offered to give me a crash course in the game. Even better, I would using his money to bet with.

First order of business was to learn how to deal the cards. These card sharks can tell a newbie from the way he handles the cards.

Second thing you have to keep a sharp eye out for cheating.

My teacher (on the left side of the photo) demonstrates a proper “poker face” which I try to imitate.

He tells me my tail postures gives away the fact I trying to bluff.

Then he teaches me how to give false impressions like using this “nervous look.”

There a proper technique for peeking at your cards.

You need to use your nose.

I going all in with this hand.

When you win the hand, you have to be aggressive and collect your winnings from any reluctant players.

I finally got around to asking my new acquaintance what his name was. He replied, “Bond, James Bond.” Okay, this must be my writing staff’s idea of a hilarious joke. This guy must be an actor they hired. Well, I going to expose him. I asked to see his credentials. I expected to see his membership card for the actors guild. But instead it read “Her Majesty’s Secret Service MI-6, Agent 007.” Oh, a real spy! Can you keep a secret? They hired those human actors as a “cover” to protect the fact the real 007 is a chipmunk!