Chilling Out

Heat waves and fur coats are a bad combination. With temps in the 90’s and a heat index in triple digits … need I say more? The Woodpile itself has turned into a giant heat sink and has been radiating the heat into our burrows which are usually cool. Since burrows are normally naturally “air conditioned” no one thought to invent mechanical air conditioning for burrows.

While I lounged around in the shade because it was too hot to do anything, I watched the comings and goings at the chicken farm near the Woodpile. Every morning like clockwork, a refrigerated truck pulls up at 7 am sharp and loads boxes of eggs destined for the grocery store. Each evening it returns to drop off the empty cartons for the next day. I closed my eyes and imagined myself spending the day in refrigeration, my fur coat providing the perfect balance to the 40 degree temps.

Ahhh, a chipmunk can dream … Wait a moment. Those egg cartons have holes in them. Not withstanding the heat, I sprinted to one of the used cartons. I think the hole is big enough for me squeeze into?

It is a tight squeeze but I managed to get inside! - I sent a email blast to all of the Woodpilers advertising all day air conditioning for free to all residents. Bring bottled water, snack and plenty of games. Meet at the chicken farm delivery area by 6:50am.

The next morning, I arrived early. I had to encourage a bunch of sleepy eyed ‘munks to get a move on. I yelled out, “Last call before we close the top.”

“Hey get that tail pulled in before we are discovered.”

There is always one tardy ‘munk in the bunch. This one snuck in the back door after everything was closed up.

We spent the day “chilling out” and then the evening rolled around. I stuck my head out and said, “Can we come out yet? What’s the temp?”

It feels good to stretch out after a day of sitting around "chilling out."

Game Show

This is the set for the famous critter game show “Six Questions.” It airs weekly on the Critter Channel. What, you have never heard of it? This show is tougher than Jeopardy! In fact contestants have nicknamed it “Quiz 666.” In its thirty year history no one has ever won the jackpot.

My cousin Vinnie, the one with advanced degrees of philosophy and physics, thinks these quiz shows are all about entertainment and have no redeeming value. I jokingly replied to him, “The real reason you don’t like this show is because the questions are too tough even for someone as brilliant as you are.” Well, Vinnie is never one to backdown from a challenge. Next thing I know Vinnie calls me up and says he is going to be a contestant on the show. He wants to borrow my DVD collection for the show. He managed to get through 29 seasons before he appeared on the show.

The contest format is straight forward. There are six questions. There are five possible answers for each question. Each colored row represents a question. The first row of numbers 1 to 5 (green) corresponds to the first question, second row 6 through 10 (pink) goes with the second question, etc. For example, the first question is how many paws do rodents have? Answer is four. The contestant answers the question by removing all the seeds from #4. Each number has the same number of seeds as the number printed on it. (Each seed can be cashed in for $1000 per seed.) If the contestant answers incorrectly they lose all of their winnings. After each correct answer the contestant has to decide whether to cash out or continue. If you get all six question correct there is a one million dollar jackpot.

First Question – “What is the third number in the Fibonacci sequence?”

Vinnie didn’t even have to think about this. He went straight to the three (correct answer)

Second question – "Massachusetts was the “X”^th state to enter the Union?"  The Woodpile is in Massachusetts, Mrs. Spot drilled into every student’s head their history lessons. Vinnie puts on a good show making it look like he stumped. He even digs out his lucky dice to decide his answer.

The crowd (practicing social distancing) is on the edge of their seats …

… then Vinnie sticks his dice back in his cheek pouches and saunters over to the 6 (correct answer).

Vinnie can answer the third question in his sleep – "What is the atomic number of Magnesium?" Twelve

Vinnie sailed through the fourth and fifth questions and became the first contestant to successfully answer five questions in the show's history.  Will he decide to go for the jackpot or not? He paces back and forth along the sixth question line trying to decided. Does he want to risk the $62,000 he has already won?

Turning to face the camera, he loudly announces he is going for it! The crowd goes crazy. The show's producers looking completely stunned and shocked huddle quickly together in a corner. I over hear bits of the conversation. “No contestant has ever made it this far … we don’t even have a 6^th level question … what are we going to do …”

After what seemed like an eternity, the host returned to his stump to announce the 6^th and final question – “How many seasons has Six Questions been on the air?”

 

Vinnie starts at the 26 and slowly works his way up the numbers. He stops at the 29 and looks like he is going to choose 29 (which is to the left of the #30). I am thinking to myself, Vinnie you’re going to blow it. You only watched 29 of the 30 seasons!

At the last possible second, he jumps over the 29 and selects 30, the correct answer.

Unbelievable he has won the Jackpot!

Halfway through the show, some prankster crashed the set and started eating all the seeds. You will not see this on the official episode, so, I thought I would share it with you.

Where do the toilet paper tubes come from?

One of the things folks will remember years after the pandemic is behind us, was the toilet paper shortage. Paper product factories tried to ramp up production to meet demand but ran into an unexpected problem. There was a shortage of those cardboard tubes they roll the toilet paper onto. This is the real reason why it took them so long to restock store shelves.

Here at the Woodpile, we have one major factory. It produces cardboard tubes used in chipmunk and mouse burrow construction industry. They supply the entire U.S. critter market. The tubes are used as forms to poured the concrete around during tunnel construction. It turns out they are the perfect size for toilet paper rolls. The factory added additional shifts and manufacturing is going on 24 hours a day 7 days a week to meet demand. So, you have a bunch of chipmunks to thank for that roll of toilet paper.

I dropped by the warehouse to interview the shipping manager for the Woodpile Times. At 8am in the morning, Larry, the manager, is now on his fifth cup of coffee. He had just finished loading a semi-truck.

In between shipments to the toilet paper factory, Larry  is busy filling orders for tunnel construction projects. This order is being shipped to Area 43 in Rhode Island, a top secret chipmunk government research facility.

After a couple of minutes of frantic paw gesturing I finally got Larry’s attention. He had forgotten about the interview.

I had to quickly jump out of the way as more tubes were dropped by an overhead crane onto the warehouse floor. Shipments are bound together with rubber bands otherwise the tubes will roll all over the place.

Larry likes to inspect everything before it ships.

He discovers is some factory worker hid his snacks inside the tube.

Snacks are strictly prohibited on the factory floor.

The oil from the sunflower seeds has damaged the tube.

Which causes the whole bundle of tubes to topple over on poor Larry! What a disaster.

Oh no, Larry has been crushed.

Wait a moment, Larry says he fine. He had squeezed into one of the tubes at the last second.

Now, how do I stand this back upright?

Larry was thinking about taking a break and getting another cup of coffee when he spies the next truck rolling up the loading dock.

Mutant Ninja Teenage Squirrels

With all of the Fourth of July celebrations cancelled at the Woodpile, I was looking forward to a quiet and relaxing holiday weekend. On the morning of the fourth, the temperature was cool, so I opted to take a leisurely stroll. The birds were chattering away, lots of flowers were in bloom, it was a perfect morning.

I discovered an empty energy drink bottle in the grass. I was cursing the irresponsible human who carelessly discarded it rather than recycling the bottle, when I was nearly knocked off my paws by five delinquent teenage squirrels tearing through the Woodpile at breakneck speeds. I took a closer look at the bottle and saw some muddy squirrel prints on it. Typical teenagers, they didn’t bother to wash their paws. As I was examining the bottle, I could hear logs from Woodpile flying everywhere. The noise abated and then a deadly silence settled over the Woodpile. I turned around and saw five sets of eyes staring at me. This couldn’t be good. I started to slowly back away … One of the squirrels yelled “First squirrel to catch the chipmunk is the winner!” … and the chase was on!

“The Leader of the Pack”

All those tree climbing lesson my parents made me take as a young’munk have finally paid off.

(The top arrow indicates my location and the bottom arrow is the squirrel.)

I found safety on a narrow rotted branch.

The energy drink made the squirrel’s paws jittery. The leader climbed a couple feet up the tree trunk but was unsure of himself. Rather than admit he felt unsafe climbing higher, he challenged his buddies to climb up instead. No one took up the challenge.

In fact one of the squirrels decided that chipmunk chasing wasn’t a great career path. He decided he wanted to become an environmental activist. He took up tree hugging!

 

After my narrow escape I celebrated with a few fireworks I had tucked away for a special occasion.