Sanctuary City

Chippy is away on official Woodpile business (I will explain shortly). Since we have both been involved in the Woodpile’s top secret hush-hush humanitarian (or more correctly critteritarian)  project, the job of bringing everyone up to speed has fallen to me.

I should properly introduce myself to all of you. I am Chippy’s cousin. I am not big on fancy titles or formal names … folks just call me Vinnie the P. The “P” stands for philosopher. At some point along my interesting life and career, I picked up a couple of Ph.D.s one in physics and the other in philosophy. I currently teach at the Four Paws University. Yes, I teach some of those required science and liberal arts courses which are the bane of every freshman, whether they have two legs or four. I also teach the most popular class in the 465 year history of the university. No, I not stroking my own ego. In fact this class is a lot of work. Try grading 221 mid-terms. You don’t care about that, you want to know what the class is about. It is called “Introduction to Training Humans.” Yes, you read that correctly. Next time you bring out a handful of peanuts to that “cute cuddly” chipmunk or “poor starving” squirrel, you have met one of my students. Give yourself a pat on the back, you’re a well trained and obedient human. Here at the Woodpile we have the humans trained to stack the wood, bring us fresh water daily, serve us sunflower seeds on command, and rake up the sunflowers shells.

I am getting side tracked. You really want know about the hush-hush critteritarian project. As Chippy told you last week, we serve a vegetarian Thanksgiving meal. We find the idea of cooking our dear friends the turkeys and serving them for dinner a terrible idea. We established the Woodpile as a “Sanctuary City” for those turkeys fleeing the butcher knife. The President only pardons one turkey a year. Someone had to save the rest of them. We are sheltering hundreds of turkeys at the Woodpile. We did hit one small snag, Chippy underestimated how much food was needed to feed that many turkeys. He is busy “requisitioning” additional supplies.

Don’t feel guilty about the “turkey” you had at Thanksgiving dinner. It was likely one our vegetarian turkey substitutes made from soy and wheat.

 

If you ran into holiday traffic, it might have been caused by turkeys en route to the Woodpile.

 

This turkey has reached the safety of the Woodpile's border wall.

 

Our border patrol unit to keep hunters out

 

"Thank you Chippy and Vinnie the P."