My good friend Bushy the Squirrel bought me a ticket to “Jurassic
Beach” for my birthday. Here is the brochure (below)
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Are you bored with hiding from inept house cats, narrow
escapes from the grasp of hawk talons, and dodging car tires? Need a new
challenge in life? Jurassic Beach is an adventure theme park reserved only for
the toughest, strongest, and bravest outdoor critters. You will travel in
luxury aboard a Godzilla speed boat to a remote tropical island paradise. You
will spend a week on a beautiful beach where you will face unspeakable and
scary challenges. Just bring yourself and your sharpened claws, you will need
them. We’ll supply the rest. Your adventure is video-taped by our professional
videographers so that your family has something to remember you by.
Our slogan is “No participant has ever survived to tell the
tale!”
* Admission price includes only a one way ticket to the
island. Return ticket sold separately (if you survive).
Legal fine print: All guests agree not to sue or hold liable
Jurassic Beach Inc. for any injuries, lost limbs, or your funeral expenses.
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This is perfect. I can’t wait to go!
Hey, the brochure never mentioned anything about living,
breathing, killer lobsters. (Apparently management has told these crustaceans
that mammals are bent on world domination.)
Watch out, the giant crab was waiting to steal the lobster’s
meal.
Whoa, that was a narrow escape!
Maybe I can hide underneath this old shell.
Help, I am being eaten by a horseshoe crab. (Do I have time
to make out my Will? Who should I leave my collection of vintage sunflower
seeds to?)
Yuck! The only thing to eat on this tropical “paradise” is
seaweed.
(Producer) Chippy, do have time to take a collect call from
Bushy? We have been broadcasting your adventure live at the Woodpile. (Chippy
grabs the phone) Hello? (Bushy) How are you enjoying your adventure trip? I
thought after that April Fool’s stew pot joke you pulled on me, that I would return the
favor.
Chippy becomes the first critter to ever survive Jurassic
Beach.
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