Crash Landing

The Woodpile constable was looking for “deputies” to help patrol and enforce social distancing rules. It sounded excited so I volunteered. A bunch of us got sworn in and assigned various shifts. I was a bit disappointed to learn that we weren’t being issued a tin badge and a six shooter like they do in the Western movies. Instead, we got a ticket pad for issuing citation for violators. We are suppose to write out the ticket, fold it into a paper airplane and send it “airmail” to the violator.

I took the 4am to 10am shift. I diligently search every nook and cranny of the Woodpile for several hours but not a single critter was stirring. About 6:30 a robin started singing and broke the eerie silence. It was a welcomed respite from the monotony of my rounds. By 7am I found a nice cozy lookout on the woodpile and started to nod off. I was dreaming about taking my family out to eat followed by a movie … ahh the good olde days. Suddenly I was startled awake by a loud whirling buzzing noise. It got louder and louder followed by the sound of something crashing to the ground. I crouched down trying to conceal myself and wait for the constable to investigate. Then I remembered I was a deputy and it was my job now to check out the danger. Despite my trembling paws, I managed to crawl in the direction I heard the crash. I used logs fallen off the Woodpile to conceal my approach. The closer I got the more my heart rate increased.

 

I reluctantly climbed over the last log and came nose to nose with a UFO! I lost my balance and tumbled backwards off the log. When I got up the courage, I took a second look. No doubt about it a genuine UFO landing in the Woodpile. Mom told us about UFO sightings reported by humans many years ago within a 30 mile radius of the Woodpile. I had always thought they were what humans call “fish stories.” Obviously, I should have paid better attention.

I ran back to the Constabulary and consulted the thick binder of emergency procedures. It covers everything from pandemics to nuclear meltdowns … but nothing about UFOs. I was on my own. What would Captain Kirk do? Right, make “first contact.” Okay, I would offer the aliens a beer but our supply ran out last week. I suppose I could just talk to them.

 

“Greetings. I am the supreme leader of the Woodpilers”

(I always want to say that.) [no response]

“Buddy, you’re in a no parking zone, I going to have to give you a ticket.”

[no response]

When all else fails just starting pushing buttons. I will start with this big green one.

 

Something is happening.

Whoa! This must be the aliens supply ship landed in advance of their invasion!

I am going to stop the invasion by hiding all of their sunflower seeds in my burrow.

My cousin Vinnie the P. dropped by my burrow with his gloves and face mask on. He just finished his online class lecture. He is teaching a course on advance hoarding techniques. He has ten chipmunk students and 553 humans in the class. He was telling me about how he ordered a supply of sunflower seeds from Amazon. It was scheduled to arrive today by automated drone delivery service. He was wondering if I had seen the delivery in my rounds.  Well, let me think for a moment [whirling buzzing noise = drone … UFO supply ship = seed delivery]. “Vinnie, I just got a text from the Constable, a food riot at the seedmart, gotta go. … Why don’t you help yourself to some of my seeds in the meantime. I got plenty.””