Taste Testing

The Blackbird Tavern serves a diverse population of critters – birds, mice, squirrels, chipmunks, and the occasional raccoon. The bartender puts out a variety of treats for customers – sunflower seeds, peanuts, cracked corn, popcorn and even jelly. Everything but the jelly is salted to make the customers thirsty. The topic of conversation amongst the regulars was about different critter’s treat preferences. We all chimed in with our opinions on the topic. My cousin Vinnie, always the scientist, quietly listened to the conversation then pointed out our opinions were based upon anecdotal observation of drunk critters. We needed to conduct a proper experiment using the scientific method. A bit confused, we asked Vinnie for clarification. He told us we needed to conduct a “taste test.” Why didn’t he just say that in the first place. It sounded like a fun idea.

Vinnie was up all night designing a proper experiment complete with a hypothesis and written procedures. The next morning he asked us to gather some materials for the taste testing. (This was the only part of the experiment any of us understood!) He insisted we find some plates to serve the goodies on. They needed to be all the same size and color, preferably laboratory white. He didn’t want the test subjects to be attracted to one treat over another due to the color of the plate. He also wanted napkins and utensils to show everyone that critters have refined tastes and good manners. He gave us some cash to buy materials with. We couldn’t believe our good fortune when we found an abandoned picnic basket. We liberated some fancy all white plates, napkins spoons and forks from it. In the process we discovered the basket had all of the tasting testing items we were looking for. We found everything we needed and it didn’t costs us a cent. I used the money to order a box of Godvia sunflower seeds for everyone

 

With the first version of the taste testing, testers were given four choices. Predictably all the chipmunks testers went straight for the sunflower seeds. Vinnie realized he had to revise the experiment. Testers would be required to try all of different treats. Vinnie even had the dip bowl relocated to the taste testing laboratory so testers could cleanse their palate between sampling the different treats.

Tester #1 was a chipmunk. He started with the crack corn. We heard an ear piercing “YUCK!” followed by a loud thud as he passed out. He is now recovering at Woodpile Memorial Hospital. So, it was on to the next tester.

 

Tester #2 was a bird. She loved the cracked corn. When a fat juicy moth flew by, she thought it was part of the taste testing and flew after it. The moth led her on a mile long chase and then evaded capture by hiding under a leaf. So, it was on to the next tester.

 

Tester #3 wisely pretended to taste the corn before moving on to the peanuts. “Wow! These are really good.”

She then proceeded to stuff her cheeks full of peanuts before high tailing back to her burrow to share with her kids. So, it was on to the next tester.

While Vinnie was busy writing down notes, Tester #4 took advantage, stuffed his cheeks full of seeds and then ate the rest of the sunflower seeds!

Then he moved on to desert, the jelly dish. Cheek pouches and jelly? This isn’t going to end well.

 

(By this point in the experiment, we had run out of sunflower seeds.) Tester #5 was required to start with the popcorn. “Are you sure this is safe to eat?”

“Look Mikey likes it!”

Just as we were getting the hang of this scientific experiment business, the owner of the picnic basket showed up. She was furious!

The headline in the next day’s newspaper was this photo accompanied by the following “What a mess: Wild party animals steal Queen of England’s picnic basket during surprise royal visit.”