On my way to get a fresh cup of coffee this morning, I passed by this hunter who was fast asleep in the warm morning sun. He had a couple of guns big enough to hunt elephants with. I thought to myself that is a wee bit of overkill for moth hunting season. The unseasonable warm fall has meant the moths are still flying around, so, the hunting season got extended by a couple of weeks. His name tag on his hunting vest read, “Elmer Big Game Hunter.” Obviously another hunter with an inflated ego trying to impress his drinking buddies. I snapped a photo of him snoozing to post on social media to give his buddies a good laugh.
I searched for his social media page so I could post this embarrassing photo. His screen name is Elmer the Monkey and he runs a popular “Big Game Hunting” blog.
On the blog, Elmer boosts about the “stuffed animals” he has on his walls – Wile E. Coyote, Road Runner, and a long list of African big game animals. I didn’t realize you could get a life size lion as a plush toy. What a strange thing for an adult to collect.
According Elmer, the ultimate trophy to collect is an Eastern Chipmunk (Tamias Striatus). They are described as the most ferocious and dangerous big game on the planet. They have razor sharp claws, explosive speed, and are cunningly intelligent. They are known to stalk the hunter for days on end to strike fear into their foe. He rambles on how all of his hunting buddies have tried to get one only to return dazed and confused with a look of shear terror on their faces. And something about the fact he's heading out this weekend to go hunting at the Woodpile… wait a second … did he say “chipmunk” and “Woodpile?”
I think he means us!!! Lets look at the calendar, oh, it is already the weekend. This can’t be good.
I recall a few years ago, a bunch of juvenile ‘munks stole the smart phones from a group of hunters. Those hunters were completely lost without their “game finder app” and “turn-by-turn trail navigation app” and “restaurant finder app”. They spent days wandering helpless around the woods. We finally rescued them after tracking them for a week.
I went back to confirm it was Elmer the Monkey. It sent shivers through me to know we had such a dangerous hunter stalking the Woodpile.
Vinnie decided to run an experiment. He wanted to know if Elmer would notice his gun was repositioned when he woke up from his nap.
Word got out in the Woodpile about our famous visitor. Everyone was surprised by how short he was. He looked so much taller in his blog. He must use photoshop to alter his aappearance.
Everyone wanted a selfie with our “guest”
Mrs. Spot’s class made a “tiger” out of clay and we put it in front of Elmer’s hunting blind. (lower right in photo) Then the kids played tiger sounds. Elmer must have jump ten inches high when he heard the noise. A look of panic crossed his face as he fumbled around looking for his gun. He started shooting wildly until he ran out of bullets.
I popped up in the blind and asked “Whats up doc?” (I always want to say that.)
Vinnie then asked “What are you hunting?” Elmer replied, “I gonna bag me a ‘munk.”
A bit apprehensive, Vinnie partially hid behind the blind for protection. Elmer paid no attention to him while he scanned the area for ‘munks. It dawned on Vinnie to inquire, “What do these ‘munks look like?” Elmer said with great sincerity, “I will recognize one when I see it. Now run along and don’t bother me, I got to concentrate on getting me a ‘munk.”
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