Merry gets a new job

My friend Merry was a travel agent but got laid off due to the pandemic. He had put a lot of seeds away in a rainy day storage unit and has plenty to eat for another year. However, his supply of beer (even with rationing) gave out this week. Merry decided he needed to get a part-time job. He a found a “help wanted” ad looking for someone with experience handling exotic creatures. After a few moments of thought, Merry realized his clientele at the travel agency ran the whole gauntlet of critters.

 

He got a call and was asked to report to 330 Mammoth Road in Londonderry, New Hampshire at 8am sharp. He arrived not to find a burrow office but a towering stone fortress. The historic sign called it a town pound, a place were loose and unruly critters were placed in “jail” till their owners paid a fine.

He climbed to the top of the thick stone wall only to find fellow Woodpiler Spitfire, the dragonfly there. He was also applying for the job. What an awkward situation!

Merry and Spitfire held a quick conference and decided to apply together as a team. They would split the paycheck 50/50. Town officials thought this was a bargain and hired them on the spot without even interviewing the other candidates.

Here is Merry checking out his Pound Keeper’s office.

The pound was originally built for horses, cows, and pigs. Today it is empty but normally there are a few dogs, raccoons, iguanas, llamas, and the occasional pet alligator.

The first inmate was Joey a teenage ‘munk accused of stealing a slice of pizza at a soccer game.

Joey slipped out of the pound through the front gate which was never designed for small critters.

Just as Joey was making his getaway, Merry perched on the top of the gate yelled for Spitfire who swooped down and grab him by the tail. The Pound under Merry and Spitfire’s careful watch got a reputation as the Alcatraz of the North. No critter ever successfully escaped.

 

Garden of Globes

The wife wanted me to paint the burrow door white. She was getting tired of the “distressed look” (a/k/a peeling paint). I went online to the bargain website Home Burrow and ordered white house paint. I got a great deal on it. I should have read the fine print. Home Burrow reserves the right to substitute a different product which will achieve the same result. Instead of getting a pint of white paint, they sent a snowstorm to the Woodpile in the middle of April. It wasn’t such a great bargain after all.

Since it was miserable outside, the family decided to watch a classic movie. I hooked up the VCR and we watched the Wizard of Oz. We were transported to this magical otherworldly place of vibrant colors and an Emerald City. I went to bed that night hoping to dream of planting a new crop of Guinness flavored sunflower seeds. Instead I had this most bizarre nightmare. I received a seed catalog in the mail which advertised sunflowers that could withstand snowstorms, droughts, hurricanes and forest fires. Each seed was only one penny apiece. What a bargain! Naturally, I ordered them. I diligently planted over a acre of them. Twenty-four hours later they burst above ground creating a forest of plants. Maybe “plants’ is not the right word. They felt and looked liked glass globes. However, when I took my carbide tipped steel axe to one of them, the axe shattered into a dozen pieces.

After destroying my axe, I looked up and all I could see was a forest of these globes. I thought I could see the Woodpile in the distance and tried walking towards it. Soon I realized I was completely lost in my own garden. The worst part was there wasn’t a single sunflower seed to eat! It finally dawned on me to use the yellow brick road app on my cell phone to navigate my way home. I searched my cheek pouches but couldn’t find my phone.

I started to smell the distinctive aroma that comes from the Bottomless Cup café when they fire up their coffee urns at 5am. I snapped awake, only to discover I had been sleep walking. I found myself in the Woodpile’s newest outdoor art exhibit of hand blown glass globes. Boy was I relieved until I realized I was still totally lost!  … An inner voice finally whispered to me “follow the aroma.” As I reached out for the cup of coffee, the same voice whispered “That will be five dollars plus a generous tip.”

The “garden” in my nightmare

What are these “plants” made of glass?

These don’t look like sunflower plants

I am starving but there isn’t a single sunflower seed to be found anywhere.

I need to get out of here. Hmmm. I think I should go this way.

No, I think I should go in the opposite direction.

 Hold on, it must be this direction.

Sniff, sniff ... what is that familiar aroma I am smelling?

 

I found my way out my following the aroma of coffee from the Bottomless Cup café

Trip back in time

Have you ever wondered how Chipmunks lived 200 to 300 years go? Personally, I find it mind boggling to think about a world without TV, cell phones, internet, online ordering of supplies, and seedmarts. The Woodpile Historical Society has a new exhibit on colonial history that transports you back to 1750 AD for an hour.

I discovered (the hard way) this is not your typical boring museum exhibit. When you first arrive, the staff politely ask you to place your electronics in a locker. They explain they don’t want your phone disturbing the other visitors. I reluctantly turned over my smart phone, ipad, fitness tracker, smart watch, and wireless headphones. I felt totally helpless and disconnected without my gadgets. A staff member then asked me to follow them. Great, I’m getting a guided tour of the exhibit. This beats having to read all of those little signs explaining what the artifacts are.

I was ushered into the exhibit hall. My guide handed me a hand written piece of paper with cursive script. While I was trying to decipher this chicken scratch, I heard the door softly close and the click of the lock. I dropped the paper and rushed to the door only to find it would not open no matter how hard I tried. I gave up and grabbed the paper. It read “Welcome to the 1700s. If you want to return to the 21^st century, you must complete three tasks. (1) Spin ten paw lengths worth of wool yarn (2) shoot a paper target of a rabbit at 25 paces (3) windup the grandfather clock and set the correct time.”

An 18^th century “escape room” what a deviously brilliant idea. My cousin Vinnie must be behind this. This should be easy enough to do. I will be out of here in no time at all. Okay, I will just search for some “how-to” videos on Youtube … hmmm, I can’t seem to find my phone or ipad … oh, that’s right, I left them at the front desk. What is plan B? 

 

First order was business was to thoroughly search the room. I soon discovered some books on colonial living hidden between the logs. I had to “read” the instructions, this was a strange experience to say the least.

I better get this clock working. I remembered from the old movies that you need to windup the grandfather clock with a special key. Took care of that.

How to set the time? I know it  was 12 o’clock when I arrived at the museum and about 15 minutes have elapsed since. Well, there are no buttons to push to change the time on the front. Let me check on the backside, nope, no buttons here either. I remember watching my grandfather adjusting the clock when I was a little one. I think I am supposed to move the hands on the dial. Does the little hand point to the minutes or the hour?

I have to spin yarn with this contraption? I guess that is why it is called a “spinning” wheel.
At least look on the bright side, I don’t have to shear the sheep.

This is strange I don’t see a power cord to plug it in.

 I will have spin it by hand.

According to the book, I have put the powder and lead ball in the barrel. Which end is that?

This looks like the barrel. 

 

BOOM! I think I got the rabbit! Or maybe not. It seems I have created a 4^th task. I shot the chair and now I have to fix it with hand tools. This going to be a long afternoon.

 

Happy Easter

 

Just remember: the longer you

search for your Easter Eggs,

the more calories you burn.

 

Happy Easter!