Joey Bond 007

Some of you might remember Joey from our episode on job hunting. He is an aspiring actor and tried out for what turned out to be a car hood ornament job. He wisely declined that job offer. His charisma and athleticism during the job interview attracted the attention of a Hollywood talent agent who happened to be vacationing at the Woodpile.

Earlier this year, it was announced that the current actor playing James Bond 007 was retiring from the role. Efforts to fill the role with another human actor failed miserably with their test audiences. The talent search was expanded to include other species.

Joey flew out to Hollywood expecting the standard interview: read some lines of script in front of the camera. Instead he found himself at a “boot camp” interview. Actors had to perform a series of action scenes. It was a grueling interview process and most prospective actors bailed out in a matter of hours. Joey wasn’t one to back down from a real challenge. He grew up at the Woodpile and spent his youth being chased by cats, dogs, foxes, and coyotes. He could climb trees, chuck wood, dig burrows, and raid bird feeders. His country upbringing was invaluable.

I tagged along and documented the interview process. Here are some highlights:

The first task was to find your way through the maze of a pile of firewood. Most of the actors got completely lost. Joey made it through in record time.

The second task was to cross a parking lot without becoming a snack for this very hungry hawk.

 Joey used the parked cars as cover to avoid being detected.

The third task was run across the top of the woodpile. Sounds too easy. You guessed right.

Unclear as to what he might encounter, Joey carefully noted all the places he could hide along his route before starting.

When Joey heard a faint noise, he dove for cover. A few moments later, he jumped up out of his hiding place to find the Woodpile riddled with arrows

That was a close call.

The casting director was duly impressed.

The final task was to load, aim and fire a seed cannon at ten targets.

To speed up the loading process, Joey filled his cheeks with seeds then loaded the cannon. This cut the time in half.

Joey announces he has finished loading the seed cannon.

Joey fires the seed cannon and hits 10 bullseyes securing his position as the next 007 agent. Now the script writers have to find an evil villain worthy of being Joey Bond’s adversary, no easy task.