Extreme Feeder Raiding Game Show

Mom’s bird feeding station has the dubious honor of making the Top Ten list of most notorious bird feeder yards by the Squirrel Syndicate. Meaning the best and brightest critters have failed to steal any seeds from mom’s feeders. The Top Ten list has inspired a new sporting event. The Critter Sports Network is filming a new TV series – Extreme Feeder Raiding. This ten episode series, works its way through the top ten list from easiest to hardest. In the final tenth challenge, the list of contestants was reduced to ten. Not surprising all ten spots were won by chipmunks not by squirrels. No you don’t need new glasses, you read that correctly – chipmunks. You see humans have spent the past fifty years developing “squirrel proof” bird feeders. I see you’re catching on. Bird feeders are designed to foil anything the size and weight of a squirrel. They have weaknesses us chipmunks have figured out how to exploit.

Unfortunately for us, Mom knows all about these loopholes. Mom's countermeasures are so good, the Extreme Feeder Raiding show decided to film their big final challenge episode here at the Woodpile. It was a three feeder challenge. The first feeder look easy enough to raid but it turned our Mom had “modified” it so it closed the seed holes for any visitor that weighed more than a bird. No one beat that feeder. The second feeder was hanging off a branch. It took an hour of climbing a maze of limbs to reach the feeder only to discover Mom has hung the feeder using fishing line. Score: Mom - 2, Critters - 0. The final challenge was a feeder on one of those metal posts. One by one the contestants tried to shimmy up the pole. As each one slid down, it was beginning to look like no one would win. (Mom's secret, she has greased the pole). As the final contestant failed, the show’s producers didn’t know what to do. How could they admit some human had defeated the best of the best feeder raiders. Mom - 3, Critters – 0.

One of the local teenage chipmunks, who his friends call “Monkey”, scaled the pole in less than three seconds. When he reached the top of the feeder he called out to all his friends and all the cameras turned to focus on him. He worked his way down to the seed holes and started tossing seeds down to his buddies.

 "Hey guys, come quick before anyone notices."

“We can go swimming afterwards.”

 “I am only holding on with two paws.”

  

"I think this is a new record, emptying the feeder in less than fifteen minutes!"

 

"Good to the last seed!"
 

Eco-Tour (Part II)

The first week of our Eco-Tour vacation has flown by at the Beaver Hut Hotel.  It was time to travel down river to our next accommodation for the second week. We are so deep into the wilderness there is no cell phone or internet service. Guess what? I don’t miss it one bit. A week without having to answer emails and text messages from my boss and also from my mother-in-law, what a blessing!

Our kayaks and human guides arrived at the crack of dawn. We stowed our gear away in waterproof bags. We were warned to keep paws and tails out of the water. The snapping turtles grab unsuspecting critter tourists from their boats as they watch the fish pass under the boats. These human guides, they have to be so melodramatic.

We are off on the second leg our trip

The water lilies were in full bloom

This is weird. My bird guide says this fella is native to Florida and the gulf coast. I tried chatting him up, but he is the strong silent type.

Not too many places for a bird to perched out here.

A great blue heron. According to my bird guide, they eat fish, amphibians and small rodents, yikes!

I thought only us chipmunks tended gardens. This deer is tending its water garden. We had quite the chat discussing water versus dry land gardening.

Our guide told fur raising stories about “dragons” that like to swoop down and fly along the waterways looking for a snack. The poor kids were hiding below deck after these stories. I called them above deck to let them meet our fearsome “dragon” a dragonfly!

While we were having a good laugh at this bit of humor, I heard from the trees above us something saying, “Hey everyone, the party boat rental with the horderves has just arrived.” I thought what party boat, what horderves? I frantically looked around trying to find the source of pronouncement. (Can you spot the very well camouflaged great blue heron in the tree?)

After a long and dangerous journey we arrived safely at the oak tree cabin.

My wife was ecstatic about the water garden.

The kids were all excited about the water slide!

Us parents were excited about the separate kids’ suite, the smaller unit on the right.

The dock had a diving board. Here is my attempt at a back flip with double twist.

Eco-Tour (Part 1)

My wife has been chiding me for years about my occasional gambling ventures. I have the worst luck. It is so bad, I have never won a single seed. I have gone to the casino, bet on horse races, put wages on critter sports game (50/50 odds!), and nothing. My buddies have learned not  to bet on whatever I am putting seeds down on. My wife has never gambled in her life. But recently her lady’munk friends talked her into going to a charity fundraiser super bingo. She rationalized it was just a donation and a lady’s night out. She bought one 10 seed bingo card. She came home around midnight and announced she had won the grand prize, an all expense paid two week eco-tour vacation on the Powwow River. It was supposedly worth 10,000 seeds!

The travel instructions said to pack everything in waterproof luggage and bring camera and binoculars. We would be getting up close and personal with all sorts of “wildlife.” We were to arrive at the Powwow River Yacht Club to board for our river cruise. Wow that sounds fancy and luxurious. We arrived at the dock. The club president came out to greet us personally. She explained that club runs eco-tours and was eco-friendly. I inquired what she meant by eco-friendly. To avoid polluting the planet and contributing to greenhouse gas emissions, the club banned all motorized boats a few years ago. All boats are hand powered.

Before hitting the water we had go through some boat and safety training.

At 10 feet 6 inches long, this kayak is huge at least from a chipmunk's perspective. Thankfully there was a sturdy log to get on board. 

 
This is the bow of the kayak. There is a convenient spot to sit and do a bit of fishing.

“Hey, who is the wise guy rocking the kayak!”

Maybe, I will just sit in the cockpit and pilot the kayak from there.
“What? I am facing the wrong direction.”

I wonder where the snack bar is?

 

 

This is tranquil.

 

The locals are friendly. This fella is giving us the “hang loose” wave.

I have driven over bridges but never gone under one. This ought to be a unique experience.

According to our guide, this is one of the hottest bird nesting sites in the area.

Nice spacious girders to build nests on and being under the bridge and over the water, completely raccoon proof.

The “modern” bridge was built on the abutments of a much older bridge. Quarried stones used with “dry masonry” method that is without the use of mortar.

[Raccoon] First there were the human tourists, and now the “wildlife” is taking wildlife tours. What’s the world coming to? (Hmmm, I wonder if the garbage trucks do home delivery?)

 Everything was going well until our route up the river was blocked by this rather serious looking swan. Not to worry this is apparently the owner of the hotel we are stay at tonight.

This is the Beaver Hut Hotel. It is best known for its rooftop garden.

There are wild roses ...

and pickerelweed (purple flowers) ...

and even a fern Zen garden.

We are in luck tonight. The hotel is holding a special performance of Swan Lake.

This is a rather humorous adaptation, I couldn’t stop laughing.

New Construction

The housing market for critters has been hot lately. More and more families want to own their own home and to get out of their cramped hot wood pile apartments. The traditional underground burrow is out of fashion these days. Everyone wants log construction which costs three times as much as a burrow. The traditional burrow is naturally cool in the summer and warm in the winter. Not so with these new fangled log homes. They need to  be equipped with AC and heating systems. They are considered luxury homes.

The new homes have been a real boom for the Woodpile’s tax revenues. However, there is a down side to all of this. It has driven up the rents on apartments and there is very little low income housing available. Take for example Henry. Henry works two jobs but still can’t afford the rents and is now homeless. He lives under a tarp.

Henry is one of a growing number of homeless ‘munks who live in makeshift tents.

You would think the high prices on these homes would limit the number of buyers but that hasn’t been the case. We have been seeing potential buyers from as far away as Boston. These buyers are picky, they want all of the amenities like pools and flower gardens.

The construction crew take their seed break. They belong to the Wood Chuckers Union which went on strike earlier this year to get these seed breaks.

A heavy wooden roof beam is being moved into place.

With the second floor built, workers start on the interior finish work of both floors. 

 
The finishing touch is planting some flowers

The two story unit required some really tall flowers

 
The building inspector, Mr. Titmouse declares the units fit for occupancy.

 

 

The real estate agent gets ready to welcome potential customers to the open house.

 

This squirrel discovers that these new units are designed for ‘munks. She can’t get inside.

Wow, this one has a roof deck patio for entertaining guests.

And a pool.

Don’t forget to checkout the master bedroom suite.

 

“Honey, we really have to get this place. It has a dedicated video gaming room.”

 The wife could care less about pools and video gaming rooms. She has always dreamed of a gorgeous flower garden. This is exactly what she pictured in her dreams.

The husband pleads with his wife to think about the two story unit.

 It is a lost cause. She has made up her mind and lets her husband know in no uncertain terms.

The husband is not willing to give in so easily. He has an idea. He suggests to his wife that they buy the two story unit as a guest house for when their in-laws visit. They both smile as they realize that keeping their in-laws at a distance is one thing they can both agree upon.