Used Sales‘munks

CHIPPY’S GUIDE TO BUYING A USED SLED

If there is one universal constant in the galaxy, it would be the persistent presence of the “used vehicle salesman” in every culture and amongst every species. Whether you’re buying a car, plane, boat, sled, or rocket ship you can’t avoid them. They are a genetically inbred sub-species whose sole purpose in life is to torment innocent law abiding citizens.

Tired of getting her paws frozen every time she went visiting, taking the kids to school, or shopping at the superseed mart, the wife asked that I get her a self propelled sled to travel in. We looked at the sales flyers in the newspaper for new sleds and had some serious sticker shock. The cheapest model cost 15,000 seeds!!! So we decided to buy a used sled instead. I thought I would share with you some hard won advice from my experiences shopping for a used sled.

(1) Check Online Reviews

With reviews you normally expect a five star rating system with five stars being the best service. With used vehicle dealerships they use a five devil icon system. The devil icon system works the reverse. The more devils they have the worst the service.

The “best” dealership in the area was “Jerry’s Gently Used Sleds.” The tagline for the company “Home of the one minute warranty.” I know it doesn’t sound very encouraging.

Jerry the used sled sales’munk is ready to rip off unsuspecting customers.

(2) Size and Purpose

I know what your thinking, your going to buy the cheapest sled on the lot. That’s a really bad idea. You need to think what to you plan on using the sled for? Shopping, transporting the family, etc. Take for example this cheapo compact model.

This compact sled was only 99 seeds. An unwary customer almost bought it until I suggested he try it out.

How do you squeeze into this compact?

Its so tight I can’t get my tail inside. Time consider a different model like I did.

Your buddies will be impressed when you show up to the Wednesday night bowling league in this red open top speedy snowster.

 

Wow, look at that turbo charged jet engine!

“Honey, if you give up your weekly fur salon appointments we could afford two sleds. I need to keep up my appearances as an adventure ‘munk writer.” “Wife’s answer “ABSOLUTELY NOT!”

A guy can always dream. “The wind is whipping in my face as I hit 60 mph on the open snow …”

(3) Condition

The sales’munk suggested this family friendly caravan sled which he described as “gently used.” 

I suppose I could duck down so my buddies don’t see me driving this thing.

“Gently used” Yah, right - note the bent runner.

Always check the interior. Hmmm, hair from the last family’s pet rat, nothing a good vacuuming can’t fix.

Oh I see, it is a package deal, it comes with the pet rat.

Always check under the sled. Wait a second, this sled is missing its engine

(Video) Be sure to do a thorough inspection under the sled

The sales’munk tries to convince me that I could just push it instead.

This sled tips easily.

(4) Fake Customers

The latest trickery in used vehicle sales is the “fake customer.” They hire out-of-work actors to portray customers in an effort to rush you into a purchase and jack up the price. The actor will pretend interest in the sled you want and offer to pay more than you offered. Here are some tips for spotting these actors:

This squirrel is more interested in eating the free snacks then buying a sled.

All of a sudden, this squirrel shows interest in the compact sled I was looking at. Seriously, he can’t fit into this thing what a joke.

As if reading my mind, he tries to get in it anyways with a predictable result. At least the entertainment at this dealership is five star.

He pretends it wasn’t his fault.

Oh well, there goes Jerry’s private stock of Guiness sunflower seeds

Jerry the sales’munk comes flying over to save his secret stash. Too late.

(5) Haggling

The aged old haggling routine is for the customer to start low and the sales’munk to start ridiculously high and you meet in the middle. The customer walks away thinking they got a bargain when in reality the sales’munk got the price he wanted. They are experts at this game. Instead, try this strategy. Dump your seed offer on the sled. When the sales’munk starts his moaning and groaning that is less than he bought it for … then start picking up the seeds and putting them back in your cheek pouches. The more he goes on the more seeds you take away. Eventually the sales’munk will see the peril of the situation and agreed to accept whatever seeds are still left. You come away having gotten a real bargain.

My wife makes the sales’munk an offer.

She keeps removing the seeds as the sales’munk drones on. Desperate to makes his end of the month sales quota, my wife gets it for 25 seeds! My wife told me, “The lady’munks are going to be jealous when I show up to the knitting club with this.” Flabbergasted I said “What about the kids?” “Let’m walk it will do them some good. Toughen up their paws.”