Order of the Bean Pot

The Blackbird Tavern has been unable to keep up with demand for Guinness Sunflower Ale. Arrangements were made with the brewery to run a pipeline from the main tank at the brewery to the tap at the bar. During installation of the pipe, the construction crew hit a giant buried time capsule. After dusting off the dirt, they were surprised to find an inscription that read “Open in 2021.”  The crew popped open the lid with some crowbars only to discover a earthenware bean pot. Everyone was duly disappointed.  I peeked and inside and found a hand written note: “Congratulations! You are duly appointed to be the bean pot master and perform the 200 hundred year ceremony. Failure to do so will result in the end of the critter world.” Remind me in the future not to be so curious. I poked around some more but I couldn’t find any instructions for the ceremony.

I ran as fast as I could to the library. The librarian helped me pour through all the history books and old newspapers from 200 year ago. We found a few references to a secret Order of the Bean Pot. One short news blurb from 1821 simply stated “Secret Order saved the Critter world from cataclysmic disaster by holding special rites. The Order has held this ceremonial for over 500 years using their ancient bean pot.” The next mention is from 1850 and it reads “Last member of the Order of the Bean Pot, Dr. Four-Paws passed away at the age of 99 taking all of their secrets to the grave.” This isn’t looking good.

In desperation, I called my cousin Vinnie. He put the word out and members of the international think tank gathered at the Woodpile.

Renowned international archaeologist  Dr. Howard Carter was the first to arrived. He left a dig in Egypt studying ancient cat villages. He dove in (literally) to the problem.

I noticed he likes to clean his tail while he thinks.

 

He reported, “Vinnie this a bit strange, based upon the glazes and manufacturing technique, this pot was manufactured around 1820. Its definitely not 500 years old.”

“Next into the Pot” was a biochemist with a specialty in food residues. She began by sniff the outside of the pot.

Followed by a closer inspection inside.

After about an hour of sniffing, the results were announced. Food residue was consistent with baked beans. More specifically the recipe used by the Durgin Park Restaurant in Boston during the 1800s.

Baffled by the findings of the first two experts Vinnie decided he needed to personally investigate.

He popped his head out of the pot and said “How did everyone missing the inscription written in Latin? Dr. Carter asked him to translate. It read something to the effect ‘push red button for big surprise’. Vinnie asked me to help him find the red button.

The next thing we known after hitting the button, we were flying through the air. Apparently, Dr. Carter loves playing practical jokes.

Our Woodpile school teacher Mrs. Spot dropped by. She went over to the bean pot and looked at it reverently. She said, “Where did you find great-great uncle Four-Paws’ bean pot? The family has been looking for this for almost two hundred years. Mrs. Spot sat down and told us the whole story based on what she learned from Four-Paws’ diary. Colonial ‘munk officials were rather unhappy with all the late night drinking going on at the Order of the Bean Pot hall. Even more disturbing was the fact they were growing beans instead of sunflowers. They were considered a bad influence on the village and plans were made to have them arrested and dragged into court. Catching word of the impending arrest, they concocted a story about the end of the world and created the “ancient” ritual of the bean pot which magically saved the village from disaster. The village fathers were so grateful for this miracle they cancelled the arrest warrants. Concerned that their deception would be revealed they buried the bean pot shortly afterwards with instructions not to open for two hundred years.