Newspapers

A few weeks ago, I talked about how we developed marketing ideas for critter uses of L.L. Bean boots. Our best idea was to turn the boots into a roadster. We had another brainstorming meeting coming up to discuss where to advertise the product. I started by rummaging through recycling bins for magazines and newspapers. I found a couple of New York Times. They have all sorts of different sections ranging from travel to business to technology.

I am fascinated by the fact you humans find so much to talk and write about every day. If I read the newspaper from the front page to the last page it would take a few hours. I swear by the time I am done with it, the next day’s paper has arrived and I have to start all over again. I was talking with one of our human neighbors, and he made an interesting observation. He thinks the amount of reading time for a newspaper like the Times is tied to the length of the daily commute in a major city. Commuters are thus distracted from the ridiculous time it takes them to get to the job by the newspaper and therefore don’t have time to think up ways to get the politicians to fix the traffic problems. Now that I think about it, the size of coffee cups has also increased with the longer commutes. At the rate things are going, newspapers will become book length, and coffee will be served in gallon jugs!

I digress from the task at hand - advertising our L.L. Bean boots to critters. Let me check the circulation statistics. Interesting, 33% of the readership is critters. A high percentage of them have “disposable income” (translation – they can buy unique luxury items.) 70% have college degrees. That is good to know. We need to design an ad that appeals to their intellect as well as there social status. Which section should we run the ad in? I didn’t realize advertising required so much research.

 I found this mint condition newspaper in the recycling bin.

There is a lot of material to read, I better get grab some snacks.

This seed has gone past it expiration date – yuck!

Interesting, the Times is reporting that human population growth in the U.S. is at its lowest. I wonder if this will affect the growth rate of backyard bird feeders sales? I think I should sell my stock in bird feeder companies now.

 Have you ever noticed how the color of states seem to change from one week to another? In the last election states were either red or blue. Now they are pastel blue and orange.

Hold on the colors have changed again. This newspaper from the next day has some states yellow and others green and a whole bunch of them have simply disappeared. I really wish you humans could make up your minds, it is so confusing.

This graphic is eye-catching. It looks like a bunch of worms attacking an apple. The person who already took a bite out of the apple is in for a big surprise. I got to read the article and found out how it ends.

That’s interesting, the article is actually about covering your digital tracks. This could come in handy. I want to order sunflower seeds crossbred with hot peppers for a practical joke. I plan on mailing them to certain people. The U.S. Post Office frowns on such use of the official mail. I need to make sure my orders are untraceable. This article offers a step-by-step guide. Oh, last step says “Don’t post what your doing on social media.” I am sure my loyal fans who read my blog can keep a secret, right?