Prefab Burrow

Normally I tune into the National Critter Weather Service but their transmitter was down the other day. They have 98% accuracy rating. Instead I tuned into one of those network news stations that humans favor. What a mistake. The forecast was for sunny and 90 degrees. I thought, a great day to start repairing the roof of the burrow (a two day project). By the end of day I had the old water proofing materials removed and I was ready to install the new stuff the next day. About 7pm, dark clouds rolled in, the wind picked up to 40 mph, and a few minutes later the sky opened up. We had thunder and lighting and monsoon rains. Seriously how could the human forecasters miss a major rain event? My wife and myself ran around the burrow placing buckets and bowls everywhere.

 After the deluge passed, my wife pulled out the latest copy of Critter Home and Garden magazine. They had a feature story on prefab burrows – water proof, earthquake proof, guaranteed against cave-ins, no excavation required and you can move it if you don’t like your neighbor. The next day we decided to see if all the hype was true. We dropped by the model burrow at the factory store. We told the sales rep our sad tale. She shook her whiskers and said she had heard this story from too many customers. To cheer us we got the VIP tour of the model burrow.

The basic one bedroom model is 24 inches in length and made from American steel. It is completely indestructible and water proof. As many as eight additional bedrooms can be added as side tunnels.

 I was a bit skeptical and wanted a closer look.

 

Hmmm, 1/8 inch steel and waterproof paint sealant. Impressive.

 

Spacious main living tunnel.

“Hey honey, come check out the wi-fi enabled smart appliances. The trash can sends your kids a reminder text when to take the trash out and cuts off their internet connection until they take care of it.

“Custom made curved TV screen to match the burrow’s curvature, ingenious.”

Wow, auxiliary seed storage tunnels on either side of the main burrow with built-in seed dispenser, no more  rummaging round dark storage cabinets

The wife came back out and wanted to know if it came in other any other colors. The sale rep whipped out the 20 page color sample book and the two of them discussed the options.

I checked out the exterior. No earth covering need. No more pushing dirt a round with my paws. I just wish we could afford it.

What great views from the top. This makes a great lookout for predators. The sales rep mentioned a jacuzzi in the master bedroom, I going back inside to check it out. How much trouble could my wife get into looking at color samples?

I was still exploring the demo burrow when I overhead my wife pop out the burrow entrance and say, “We’ll take it! How soon can it be delivered?”

Unsure my ears had heard correctly, I rushed out to hear the distinctive sound that comes with my wife putting a paw print on a deal. Yikes, I am going to have to get a second job to pay the mortgage!

My wife apparently saw the shocked looked on face, and said “Chippy, I forget to tell you last evening, a check arrived from dear aunt Betsey’s lawyer, she left me 50,000 seeds in her will.