The heat wave hit the Woodpile hard this week. The heat penetrated several feet underground. Our burrows which are normally cool at this time of year turned into saunas. I went online and found this amazing deal on a Super-Cooling Unit. It was described as industrial strength and just plug in for all day cooling. I paid for the overnight delivery service and it arrived the next morning. I plugged it into the electrical outlet, waited, waited some more and nothing happened. I checked the box for a remote control and found none. Then I thought maybe it is like the cable TV box and voice controlled. I spent fifteen minutes trying different voice commands. I felt like I was talking to myself. Bushy the Squirrel came along and thought it might be one of those Alexa enabled devices. Good thinking! I grab my smart phone:
Chippy “Alexa, turn on Super-Cooling Unit.”
Alexa, “Super-Cooling Unit is not connected to internet, unable to comply.”
Chippy “Alexa how is the unit turned on?”
Alexa “Consult the instructions.”
Chippy “Alexa find the instruction manual.”
Alexa “This unit is an antiquated piece of technology and was only produced with a printed instruction manual.”
I found the instruction manual in the bottom of the box. Does anyone read Spanish?
Chippy “Alex the instruction manual is in Spanish.”
Alexa “I can recommend several excellent online Spanish learning programs.”
Chippy “Alexa how long will it take learn to read Spanish?”
Alexa “About five months.”
Chippy “That is in the middle of winter.”
Alexa “January 15, 2022 to be precise.”
Chippy “Alexa, I can’t wait five months to turn on the Super-Cooling Unit. What are my alternatives?”
Alexa “Call technical support.”
A Titmouse from technical support arrived.
We thought the control unit might have fallen out of the box. So, I searched under the unit.
I looked behind it.
I took a break from searching for a snack.
The Titmouse escalated the call to the advance technical support team. A house wren technician showed up. She took one look and said good luck with that antique and left.
Chippy “Alexa technical support can’t turn it on. What am I suppose to do now?”
Alexa “This device was invented by human beings. The logical solution would be to consult a human.”
What, consult a human?!! I would have to admit I couldn’t make it work. The reputation of the entire chipmunk community as intellectually superior to humans will be destroyed. On the other paw, if I don’t get this unit running I might not survive this heatwave. Then again, history will remember me as the chipmunk who asked a human for help. This is an impossible situation!
While I was contemplating this philosophical dilemma, Mom our human caretaker walked by and absentmindedly turned a knob on the back of the unit. A split second later I was sent flying by a hurricane force wind.
I crawled under the unit to reach the control
knob. It was a simple mechanical device. You turn
it to change the speed. (I knew that all along.)
I cautiously edged forward in front to test the wind speed.
Ahhh, cool air … perfect.
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